Monday, September 14, 2009

And It Rained All Night

Not in the mood for ny stories. not on the mood for anything, actually. Even sleeping seems to become a luxury around here so since I can't do that, I'm here to spend some time here in my blog. And if that means i want to write it in english, so be it. I don't care. Yep, you guessed it right. I'm having a baaad day. A bad month, actually. Ever since I came back, nothing really worked out for me. Is it payback? or karma? or whatever the fuck it is that can make this fucking excuse for a life I'm living right this moment seems fair? Even the littlest living creatures seem to get back at me since I'm the only one in this house that constantly gets attacked by the fucking mosquitoes. Whatever, I'm not complaining. Everybody has their moments, right? It can't always be rainbows or butterflies or sunshine. Though, it would be reaaally good to know that the rain is gonna stop eventually. Because every time I get excited and think that this is it, it's gonna work out now, every thing's gonna be alright, something comes along and takes me back to square one. But it's OK, that doesn't matter anymore, I've come to terms with letting things go and letting them work out in their own little ways but that doesn't mean that I don't have the right to feel miserable due to the fact that my life, right now , is a little too much empty. The only thing that keeps the days going is the fact that i'll be gone soon. And there is almost nothing or no one that keeps me attached to this country, so that should be easy. Although, you know what? I wish it wasn't true. I wish there would be at least someone that would make me leave a part of me behind, that would be affected big time by me being gone, would feel like shit. Selfish? Maybe. But I need that. Maybe something's wrong with the way live here. Maybe that will all change when I'm gone. Certainly hope so. But even then, I'm not sure that part of my life will change. Maybe I should learn to live with it. Maybe it's all my fault. Maybe i can change all of that but i don't do anything about it. I don't know. Fuck it. I don't enjoy being depressed. What's more, I hate those people that are constantly depressed who don't really know what they got and take those things for granted. I will not be one of those people. This little whining session was something I needed. See you again in much more merry happy entries. Of course, If you don't run away screaming in the opposite direction when you read this, that is.

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